Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
When emotions and relationships feel overwhelming
Maybe your emotions can become overwhelming very quickly. You may feel deeply attached to someone and then suddenly hurt, angry, frightened, or unsure whether you can trust them. You might be highly sensitive to changes in someone’s tone or behaviour, struggle with fears of rejection or abandonment, or find yourself reacting in ways that make sense in the moment but leave you feeling ashamed or confused afterwards.
If you’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder--or simply recognise some of these patterns--you may also have had experiences of feeling judged, misunderstood, or reduced to a diagnosis. I approach this work differently. We can take your emotional reactions seriously while also helping you develop more choice in how you respond to them.
These patterns can develop for many reasons, including temperament, difficult or invalidating experiences, attachment patterns, and ways of coping that once helped you get through something difficult.
On this page:
You may recognise some of these experiences
-
Emotions that become intense quickly and are difficult to settle
-
Strong sensitivity to rejection, abandonment, or feeling misunderstood
-
Relationships that can feel unusually intense, uncertain, or painful
-
Difficulty trusting others while also deeply wanting closeness
-
Impulsive behaviours you later regret
-
Periods of emptiness, disconnection, or uncertainty about who you are
-
Harsh self-judgement or fears that something is fundamentally wrong with you
Whether or not you carry a formal diagnosis, these experiences can be deeply painful - and they deserve skilled, compassionate care.
How therapy can help
Our work can help you:
-
Feel less overwhelmed by intense emotions and recover more easily when they arise
-
Develop more trust in yourself and your own reactions
-
Build relationships that feel steadier and less driven by fear of rejection or abandonment
-
Respond to impulses with more choice rather than feeling controlled by them
-
Communicate more clearly and develop stronger boundaries
-
Understand and change longstanding attachment and trauma-related patterns
-
Feel more grounded in who you are and what matters to you
The aim is not simply to manage symptoms, but to help you feel more stable, more connected to yourself, and more able to make choices that reflect the life and relationships you want.
How I work
I draw from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to help with emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and relationship skills. DBT was developed specifically for BPD, and it has been studied more than any other therapy for it. I received training in DBT through the University of Michigan Psychiatry Department and have been providing DBT for the past ten years. I also use Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment-focused work, and trauma-informed approaches to understand why certain reactions feel so powerful in the first place.
Therapy with me is active and collaborative. We pay attention both to what is happening in your life now and to the patterns underneath it.
That means therapy is not only about learning how to control a reaction. We can also become curious about the part of you that is reacting, what it is protecting, and what would help you feel less governed by fear, shame, anger, or abandonment.
Through an IFS lens: parts that often show up
IFS doesn't see BPD as a broken personality. It sees a system of parts working very hard to protect you from pain that once felt unbearable, often the pain of being left, rejected, or made to feel like too much. Not everyone has all of these parts, and yours won't look exactly like this.
Parts carrying the deepest pain
-
A young part that feels abandoned or unbearably alone, and panics at any hint of being left
-
A part convinced it is too much, unlovable, or fundamentally bad
-
A part that feels empty, or unsure who it is without someone to orient around
Parts that try to prevent that pain
-
A scanning part that reads tone, timing, and facial expressions for early signs of rejection
-
A pleasing part that drops your own needs to keep people close
-
A distancing part that pulls away or ends things first, so you can't be left
-
A critical part that attacks you before anyone else can
Parts that react when the pain breaks through
-
An angry part that floods in when abandonment feels close, trying to force connection or push the threat away
-
Parts that reach for fast relief: spending, drinking, bingeing, or reckless choices
-
A part that goes numb or blank when feelings are too much
-
For some people, a part that urges self-harm. In IFS, we understand it as trying to stop unbearable pain, and we take it seriously as a safety concern.
Parts that take turns
Sometimes one part holds all the hope about a person while another holds all the hurt. When they switch, someone can go from wonderful to untrustworthy very quickly. Getting to know both parts makes it easier to hold the whole person in mind.
Underneath all of this, IFS describes a Self: a calm, curious, compassionate presence that isn't a part and was never damaged. The work is helping your parts trust that this Self can stay with them, so they don't have to take over.
Through a DBT lens: skills and what they help with
DBT skills give you concrete options in the moments that feel most out of control. Here's how some of them map onto common experiences.
-
When emotion spikes and you need to come down fast: TIPP skills, such as paced breathing and paired muscle relaxation, work through the body to lower intensity quickly so you can think again.
-
When an urge feels urgent: STOP and pros and cons create a pause between the urge and the action.
-
When a crisis can't be solved tonight: Distress tolerance skills such as distraction, self-soothing, and IMPROVE the moment help you get through without making things worse.
-
When fighting reality is adding suffering: Radical acceptance helps you stop spending energy on what can't be changed right now.
-
When a feeling doesn't fit the facts: Check the facts and opposite action help when fear says to send ten texts, or shame says to hide.
-
When you're already running on empty: PLEASE skills (caring for physical health, eating, sleep, exercise, and limiting mood-altering substances) lower your vulnerability to emotional spikes in the first place.
-
When you need something from someone: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST help you ask clearly, protect the relationship, and keep your self-respect at the same time.
-
When you can't tell what you feel or who you are: Mindfulness skills like wise mind and observe-and-describe build a steadier sense of your own experience and values.
Using both together
DBT skills give your protective parts another option in the moment. IFS helps us understand why those parts feel so urgent and what they're protecting. When the young, frightened parts underneath feel less alone, the protectors often don't have to work as hard, and the skills get easier to use.
What this can look like in practice
Say a partner hasn't replied in three hours, and panic is building.
With DBT, we might start with your body, using paced breathing to bring the intensity down. Then we'd check the facts: what do you actually know, and what else could explain the silence? If a conversation is needed, DEAR MAN helps you have it later, instead of sending a string of messages now.
With IFS, we'd get curious about the part that's panicking. It might be a young part that learned people disappear without warning, alongside a protective part that believes a flood of texts is the only way to stop that from happening again. When the younger part feels heard and cared for, the urge to chase often loosens its grip.
Over time, the skills help you get through the moment, and the parts work can make those moments come less often and hit less hard.
You don’t have to become less emotional
The goal of therapy is not to turn you into someone less sensitive, passionate, or emotionally alive. Those qualities can also be sources of empathy, creativity, perceptiveness, and connection.
Instead, our work can help you have intense feelings without being controlled by them--to understand what is happening internally, respond with more choice, and build relationships that feel more stable without giving up the depth that matters to you.
BPD can be a heavily stigmatised diagnosis, including within mental health care. I don't see you as a collection of symptoms or assume that every difficulty you experience is because of BPD. Therapy should give us a way to understand your patterns with more precision and compassion--not reduce you to a label.
An affirming, nonjudgemental space
My practice is LGBTQ+ and trans affirming, and welcoming of clients in poly/ENM and kink communities. Whether or not these parts of your life are the reason you’re seeking therapy, they are welcome in the room.
Psychotherapy in London and Chicago
I offer 50-minute individual online sessions for adults in London and Chicago. Sessions are £100 for clients in the UK and $150 for clients in the US, and eligible Chicago clients may use Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois insurance.
You can view my online calendar and request either a free consultation or an initial therapy session. If you don’t see a time that works for you, you’re still welcome to contact me, as I may have additional or upcoming availability that isn’t shown online.
Frequently asked questions about therapy for BPD
Do I need a BPD diagnosis to work with you?
No. Some clients come to me with a BPD diagnosis, while others recognise patterns such as intense emotions, abandonment fears, unstable relationships, impulsivity, or difficulty knowing who they are.
Do you use DBT for borderline personality disorder?
I integrate DBT skills and principles into my work, particularly emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. My approach also incorporates IFS, attachment-focused work, and trauma-informed therapy.
Do you work with clients with BPD online?
Yes. I work online with adults who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, as well as people who recognise some of these emotional and relationship patterns but have never received a formal diagnosis. I see clients in London and Chicago.
Is BPD treatable?
Yes. People with BPD can make significant, lasting changes in how they relate to their emotions, themselves, and other people. Progress usually does not mean becoming less sensitive or never feeling overwhelmed. It means understanding your reactions more clearly, having more room to choose how you respond, and becoming less pulled around by fear, shame, anger, or the possibility of rejection.
Over time, therapy can help relationships feel steadier, conflict feel less destabilising, and intense emotional states become easier to move through. The goal is not to erase the parts of you that feel deeply, but to help you feel more secure, more self-trusting, and more able to stay connected to yourself when things are difficult.