Understanding the patterns that shape self-worth and relationships

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You may understand where some of your patterns come from and still find yourself repeating them. Perhaps you second-guess yourself in relationships, become preoccupied with whether someone is pulling away, struggle to trust your own reactions, or find yourself feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

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Experiences earlier in life can shape how we learn to see ourselves, what we expect from relationships, and what feels safe or threatening in connection with other people. Those patterns can persist even when you intellectually know that the past is over.​

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Many of the people I work with are thoughtful, perceptive, and highly attuned to other people. At the same time, they may struggle with chronic self-doubt, shame, fear of rejection, difficulty trusting themselves, or a sense that they have to work hard to maintain closeness.​

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These patterns often have roots in early attachment experiences or developmental trauma, rather than personal failure or lack of willpower.

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With the right kind of attention and practice, they can change.

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Common experiences clients bring into this work

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You may recognize some of these patterns in yourself:

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• Chronic self-criticism, shame, or low self-worth

• Strong sensitivity to rejection or abandonment

• Relationship patterns that repeat despite your best intentions

• Difficulty trusting yourself or other people

• Feeling responsible for other people's moods or reactions

• Difficulty setting boundaries without guilt

• Finding yourself drawn to relationships that recreate familiar dynamics

• Knowing intellectually that you're worthy or safe, while not quite feeling it

• Struggling to know what you want when you're focused on keeping relationships secure

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How childhood experiences can continue to shape adult relationships

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Childhood trauma doesn't always involve a single catastrophic event. Sometimes its effects develop through repeated experiences — inconsistency, criticism, emotional neglect, unpredictability, parentification, rejection, or having to adapt yourself to maintain connection.

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Over time, you may have learned to monitor other people closely, suppress parts of yourself, expect rejection, become highly self-reliant, or work hard to prevent conflict. These adaptations can make enormous sense in the context in which they developed. They can also become painful when they continue operating in adult relationships.

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What you may begin to notice

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Our work may help you:​

• Understand why certain relationship situations affect you so strongly

• Develop a more stable and compassionate sense of yourself

• Recognize and change relationship patterns that no longer serve you

• Set boundaries and communicate your needs with less guilt or fear

• Feel more able to trust yourself, tolerate conflict, and remain connected without abandoning yourself

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The goal isn’t just to understand these patterns intellectually, but to change how they show up in your relationships, your choices, and the way you relate to yourself.​​

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What therapy with me is like​

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My approach is active and collaborative. We won't only talk about what happened in the past; we'll pay attention to how those experiences continue to show up in your relationships, your emotions, and the way you relate to yourself now.

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Depending on what is most useful for you, I draw from Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment-based therapy, trauma-focused approaches, DBT skills, and cognitive and somatic work. We might slow down a recurring reaction and understand what is happening underneath it, work directly with a protective part of you, process an earlier experience, or experiment with a different way of responding in a current relationship.

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The goal isn't simply greater insight. It's for the patterns you understand intellectually to begin changing in your actual life.

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What progress often looks like

​Over time, you may notice:​​​

• Less harsh self-criticism and shame

• Greater confidence in your own perceptions and decisions

• Less anxiety about rejection or disconnection

• More ability to set boundaries without feeling that the relationship is in danger

• Healthier choices about who you become close to

• More openness and intimacy without losing yourself in the relationship

• A stronger sense that your needs and feelings are legitimate

• More freedom to respond to the present rather than automatically repeating the past

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If intense emotions, rapid shifts in relationships, or a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) diagnosis are central to what you're experiencing, you can also read about my approach to BPD and emotional intensity.

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Trauma Therapy in Chicago, Michigan & Tokyo

 

I offer 50-minute individual teletherapy sessions for adults in Chicago and Michigan, as well as clients living in Tokyo.

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Sessions are $150. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois is accepted for eligible clients.

If you'd like to see whether we might work well together, you can use my calendar to request a free consultation or an initial therapy session. If the times shown don't work for you, you're still welcome to reach out — I may have additional or upcoming availability that isn't currently displayed.

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