Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can have many different manifestations; it can feel very difficult to determine whether the experiences of Borderline Personality Disorder we read about are the kinds of experiences that we can find relatable. Is that me? Do I feel like that? Do I have BPD?
Just looking at the criteria can be confusing - there are so many!
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
Some of us have more of an experience along the Borderline Personality Disorder "spectrum" without enough qualifying criterion as recognized by the American Psychological Association's Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM). Some of us may read down the line criteria and think to ourselves, "Almost all of these fit!"
Maybe we very much resonate with chronic feelings of emptiness. We may feel as if no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter how many friends we have, how much we feel love for our partner, or how well we're doing in our career, it seems as if there remains this underlying feeling that it's "not enough" and as if things are "still not really okay."
Another piece we may resonate with is the rapidly shifting emotions. Maybe we've come to recognize how we can often be feeling elated, and then in despair or intense anger the next moment. Perhaps we feel particularly swayed by social interactions, and these can drive some of these large emotional swings in various directions.
Maybe we relate to the criterion of impulsive behaviors. We may find ourselves struggling with binge-eating, out-of-control spending habits, addictions to substances, or impulsive sexual behaviors. We may experience strong and disorienting urges for these behaviors, and often they are used as means for coping with intensely distressing feelings that have been triggered from other internal or external stimuli.
Do you find yourself resonating with some, or many, of the different aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder?
If you'd like more clarity around what you're experiencing, please reach out and request a 15 min. consultation. I would be happy help.